rape fantasies

Anonymous asked:
Am I evil if I have rape fantasies and occasionally find noncon content to be kind of hot? It’s only in fiction, but I’m not an abuse survivor or anything, it just happens to be what I’m into.
Nope, you’re certainly not evil for either of those things!
fun fact: rape fantasies – that is, the fantasy of being raped – are pretty common among women. The results of a study about the nature and reasons for this fantasy are are linked here.  (For a less academic take on the same, here’s a Psychology Today article with a list of sources at the bottom.)  Unfortunately I’m not aware of any studies that explore how common rape fantasies are among the general population, or even among dfab people as a whole.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: not being the survivor of a direct assault doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not a victim of rape culture in general. In the US, dfab people in particular get the simultaneous, contradicting messages that they should not want sex and that sex is desirable; is it any wonder some use a fantasy of rape to escape the guilt of it? and we all get the message that violence is sexy and (heterosexual) sex has an inherent violence towards female genitals, particularly loss of virginity. absorbing a fucked-up social underpinning and spitting it back out as a desirable fantasy isn’t remotely weird.  and turning rape into something wanted in one’s fantasy life is a way of exerting power over a feared experience.
And ultimately, even if none of the above were true: who cares? a fantasy doesn’t mean you want it IRL or wish it on anyone else IRL. it’s something you imagine, and thoughts are not a crime.
Also, guess what? by openly saying you find noncon hot even though you’re not an abuse survivor, you are supporting and protecting survivors who find noncon hot. You help survivors who feel like they’ve been broken or damaged forever by their trauma to understand that they’re not disgusting or ‘just coping’ if they like this content – it’s just human for some people to like dark content in fiction. And by participating, you protect survivors from being harmed by people who would persecute them for their tastes and enjoyments. (If you’re ever feeling weird or shitty for the tastes you have, I recommend @yourshipisfine and @youarenotdamaged as spaces that explicitly talk about how everyone is allowed to enjoy dark content.)
The point is: it doesn’t matter why people are absorbing or enjoying this fictional content, and it never should. Our personal identities and experiences shouldn’t be considered factors in what content we’re allowed to consume. The identity/experiences of a creator can give us context in which to better understand their works of fiction and maybe judge how closely they may relate to reality, but ultimately they, too, are irrelevant: anyone is allowed to create fiction of all kinds, particularly in the microcosm of fandom where tags declaim erotic darkfic and our social impact is next to nothing.
And you’re allowed to find it in bad taste, or enjoy it. no matter what you’ve been through or not!

leproblematique

Seconding absolutely everything that @freedom-of-fanfic has stated above. Anon, I don’t know about your sexual orientation or gender identity, but I’m a pansexual woman who has rape fantasies (though I prefer to call them ‘consensual non-consent fantasies’ specifically because the other word could be potentially upsetting or triggering to other people). I’ve had them ever since I hit puberty. I will not say what I suspect they might be coming from, that’s no one’s business but mine and, in any case, I don’t want this to sound anything like ‘only trauma survivors should indulge in these fantasies’, when that’s the complete opposite of my view.
Anon, you aren’t evil – don’t think that for even a second. Don’t let this warped bubble of unreality turn something that works for you into poison that festers and rots from the inside. I crave the kind of intimacy I’m into like I crave a giant caramel-and-salt ice-cream on hot summer days. I indulge in my fantasies through fiction, pornography and with the aid of careful, patient partners who listen to my every indication when we hash out the scene and establish our limits.
That hasn’t stopped me from being an activist and educator for consent-culture ever since I was in high-school. That in no way contradicted me starting a campaign to get three rapists in said high-school thrown in jail, after they brutalized one of my class-mates at knife-point and thought to hide under the protection of one relative, a policeman. That in no way contradicted me listening to other teenagers tell me ‘he/she says that if I love them, I’ll sleep with them’,then proceed to walk them through a tutorial on how to identify emotional manipulation, coercion and abusive behavior in their partners. That didn’t stop me from pushing to organize a workshop and discussion group on emotional and sexual coercion in queer relationships several years down the line, when I was most active with the LGBTQIAP+ rights organization in my country. That didn’t stop me from always snarling ‘sexual assault is supposed to be funny?!’ when the people around me would blithely laugh at recordings of men groping clearly unwilling women during party dances; my family knows the score and whenever this happens, they just give the person a look along the lines of ‘she’s on the war-path, buddy, I wouldn’t want to be you right now!’ 
I’m not saying all of this in order to prop up a barmy argument such as ‘you need to make up for your kinks through education efforts!’either (because I can just see some dipshit or other on here trotting that one out). I’m saying it to prove that having darker kinks + acting on them with consenting partners doesn’t make you the least bit evil, that’s a load of radfem-laced bullshit that gets pushed hard on here. You don’t need to be an activist in order to justify the continued existence of your kinks, because you are not doing harm to others by merely having them and catering to them through various forms of fictional content. From personal experience, I’d argue that such is a far healthier approach than denying them, bottling them up, trying to batter them into submission and only doing harm to yourself in the process. What a wreck I would have been, had this place existed when I was much younger and taught me to hate myself and try to batter a part of myself out of existence. 
My favorite fetish stories are non-con (though more mindrape than actual rape) and I really appreciate this discussion.

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