30 Days of Kink: Day 4 redux

Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

As another past-focused question, this one, too, hasn’t tremendously changed since I first did the 30 Days of Kink. But one big thing that’s changed is my understanding of how my kinks may have developed.

So, from early preschool years, there was mind control and animal transformation as big interests of mine. It’s no coincidence that I became Kaa and not Mowgli in my Jungle Book inspired pretend, incidentally – I was a mind control dominant even then. The animal transformation aspect, meanwhile, was mostly me transforming, although I did also have hurt/comfort fantasies with animal victims a lot.

One of my favorite book series was a detective series featuring the daughter of a veterinarian/animal rescue worker. They’d find animals in horrific situations and her father would fix them up while she and her best friend Hoodie (a boy who always wore a hoodie) would find the ones responsible and bring them to justice. My other favorite book series was Animorphs, which should come as no surprise, since it has mind controlled villains and shapeshifting heroes. (And a surprising amount of angst, violence and horror for a kids’ series, which I also appreciated.)

I also wanted to be a mad scientist, which is now one of my preferred kink roles. (Either that or a supernatural monster.) But back then I was thinking more about doing physical transformations, making weird monsters and deformed people. I had a big fascination with GMOs, which were just starting to be a hot-button topic at the time.

As I got older, the animal transformation aspect faded into the background, and I started to like being human a lot more. Meanwhile, disability awareness education in grade 5ish sparked off a major obsession with disabilities – mostly limb differences, deafness and blindness, and wheelchair users. I started pretending to have a disability, around that time, which my Mom found embarrassing and tried her best to discourage in public. I would go around with my eyes closed, waving a stick like a cane, or wheel around in an office chair pretending it’s a wheelchair, or put my leg in my pants knee-first to pretend that I was an amputee.

Around the same time, I watched a movie about aliens kidnapping human children as pets, and I got anti-drug education in school, and both of those began to show up in a fantasy of a bunch of kids in cages, being taken off to an alien planet. One of them was always an addict whose kidnapping triggered withdrawal, so they’d be suffering from withdrawal symptoms for awhile. When they arrived, they might get transformed in some monstrous way, often including a tower of Babel type effect so they couldn’t talk to each other.

This was also the first time I had a clear disability-induction fantasy, that I can recall – the one I mentioned last time about mauling a school bully. I had a lot of “hurt them bad and then take care of them to make them nice” fantasies back then.

After I started being homeschooled in grade 7, I began to suspect that I was autistic and got involved in the autistic rights movement. And I have a theory that the discourse around high functioning vs low functioning autism may have shaped my kinks further.

I’ve met trans guys with forced feminization and sissification kinks, abuse survivors with rape kinks, and even a Chinese-American who has a racially charged bimboification fantasy, and I suspect my mental regression kink may have been shaped in part by a similar mechanism. The “boogeyman” of autism curebies – a normal person who regresses to be incontinent, nonverbal and completely dependent – is now one of my biggest fantasies. And I don’t recall ever thinking about incontinence in a kink way before I got involved in autistic rights.

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