30 Days of Kink: Day 11

What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Our society has a messed-up view of sex. So many things that would be absolutely fine normally are suddenly seen as bad just because it’s sexual.

I used to think hurting your partner during sex, even if they wanted you to, was bad. And then it occurred to me that I was in karate, and there’s a lot of consensually causing each other pain in karate – practicing blocks knowing that a properly done forceful block is painful to the attacker, doing holds that can cause pain, practicing finding pressure points… none of it felt unsafe, even if it hurt, because I knew I could stop it and the context was safe. We even had a safeword – tap twice to be released from a hold. If all of those things are fine in a non-sexual context, why would they be wrong in a sexual one?

Similarly, people generally accept that murder mystery writers aren’t killers. Even if they only write murder mysteries, and they relish coming up with really interesting ways to kill off their characters. Even if they have the occasional murderer get away with it. Fans of murder mysteries mostly aren’t murderers either, and despite the trope of the murderer copying a murder mystery in fiction, in real life, I’ve never heard of it happening.

Does it really make a difference if that murder mystery writer is turned on by writing those murder scenes? If they still would never actually kill anyone, why would it really matter if the satisfaction of writing those stories happens to be sexual for them?

Or what about someone who acts in Shakespeare plays? Many of those plays involve violence and death. But it’s all pretend, and the actors are there because they chose to be. Why would we judge acting in a play by different rules than role-playing for sexual gratification? As long as everyone wants to be there and it’s all safe and consensual, what’s the big deal?


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