I Hate How Ubiquitous Degrading Language Is In Online Sex and Kink Culture


So much of the sexually-explicit dialogue on the internet is intensely degrading, using words like “slut”, “whore”, and verbs like “use”, “wreck”, “destroy”, “abuse”, “ruin”, etc. You see the tr***y slur, the term “sissy”, sometimes a variety of other slurs. Often it’s wrapped up in misogyny or other forms of hate speech.

If someone has a specific kink related to degradation, that’s fine.

I don’t like these things and I don’t want to see them. I don’t want them in my life.

The thing that bothers me is how mainstream and prevalent this stuff is. It’s not compartmentalized to specific kink subcultures, communities, or tags. It’s like, if you search for sexually-explicit material related to kinks that are not inherently associated with degradation, you nearly always find degradation. I’d say 90%+ of what I find involves degradation.

Anything connected to anal, deep throating, or fisting, is almost always associated with degradation. A huge portion of dominant/submissive and sadism/masochism is associated with degradation too, in spite of the fact that there are nearly endless ways to do BDSM without this sort of degrading dynamic. Exhibitionism is also often associated with degradation. Even a lot of otherwise “vanilla” sexual material still involves subtle degradation. And of course, pornography is littered with it and erotica that is loving or even neutral, and not degrading, is the rare exception to the rule and seems in short supply.

What if you want to be a male sub and a bottom and don’t want to be called a “sissy”? What if you are trans and submissive but don’t want to be called or even see transphobic slurs? What if you are into fisting or anal play but for you it is about trust, communication, love, and feeling comfortable with your body? What about the masochists who want to experience pain or discomfort through some method not at all associated with verbal degradation? What about gentle dominants and submissives who want to be supported in gentle and loving ways? What about exhibitionists who see their exhibition as an act of generosity, caring, or sharing with others? What if you want to look at porn or erotica and absolutely don’t want to see any degradation?

I am a very sexual person and I want to be able to seek out sexual material online without it being absolutely overrun or dominated by degradation and degrading language.

I want degradation to be compartmentalized and labeled. I don’t want it to be the norm, but rather, I want it to be seen as a specific kink that you have to seek out in order to find.

And I want it to be easier to find sexual material that is free of degradation. I want people to make and share more of this material. This includes both sexually-explicit erotic videos and photography, and posts and blogs focused on sex or specific kinks or sexual acts.

Yeah. Does anyone feel similarly to me about this?



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