a common trend i’ve observed within questioning oriented aroaces, especially if they currently identify as aroace alone, is that they want to id as aroace wlw, as bi aroaces, but…they feel like they can’t. like they’re defying rules,
like it might as well be illegal to be both aroace and another orientation,
like they’re liars and impostors even though the unique kind of love they feel is anything but falsified.
to these people, i would like to tell my story.
not too long ago, similar feelings kept me from identifying as bi aroace. just imagining it felt so daunting, i never thought i’d be able to bite the bullet and adopt that label for myself, even if the alternative was suffocating, painful silence. but one day, after many years of repressing myself…i snapped. that day was a liberation.
essentially, i figured that…if i’m gonna be hated
by straight society and intracommunity bigots alike, i might as well be
hated on my own terms instead of wasting my life away trying to be
something “acceptable”– as if anything i could reasonably offer would
ever be enough to please all of them.
some people out there think
you aren’t gonna be enough of a lesbian if you ever slept with a man.
some people think you aren’t gonna be bi enough if you aren’t
both sexually and romantically attracted to two or more genders (effectively throwing bi aros and bi aces under the bus). some people think you aren’t gonna be ace enough if you aren’t averse to jacking off.
is: some people out there really have nothing better to do with their
lives. are those the kind of people you wanna satisfy? people who will always find a way to hate your guts anyway?
they’re not worth your time. you’re allowed to be yourself, and to explore oriented labels. you are no impostor. and most importantly: you’re not alone.
so go ahead. bite that bullet if it’s calling you.
What if I don’t know if it’s calling me or not?