Yeah, I feel this a lot. Kink is the one context in which I actually even ~have~ a gender beyond “fuck off”?? And so a lot of things that would generally not suit me or which would usually be misgendering are actually really positive for me?
Like, for a lot of people, they prefer humiliations or “hurts” that are farther from their every day realities. But there are just as many people who need to be able to lean into their oppressive realities so they can let go of them.
My thing is always going to be if you don’t like a kink or don’t want to have to be around it, great, that’s your right. It’s on us as kinky people to be tagging appropriately so people can blocklist anyhow. But I get really sick of the, like, ~aggressively~ performative hatred of controversial kinks in general. People, even other kinky folks, just love talking about how much they hate and are disgusted by any kink that goes beyond their particular set. I’ve literally seen race kink blogs do it with misogyny kinks, or misogyny kink blogs do it with gender kinks.
And like. I know there are straight up bigots who try to claim that their bigotry is just their kink so they can’t be held accountable for it, and yeah, it can be squicky as all hell knowing that someone who is is to that stuff in a consensual scene would also do it outside of one. But it’s that outside behavior that makes them a fuckwad, and if they would never engage in that behavior with anyone who hadn’t explicitly consented, then yeah, I kinda don’t give a shit.
Anyway, I’m not saying this as someone who has like. Almost any of the kinks people do this with. I just don’t love people expressing their disgust at others with glee and violence. Unless of course the person on the receiving end consented first.
I remember talking to some trans guy who was afraid he was invalidating his own gender by having a forced feminization kink. When I’m pretty sure he was just eroticizing his experiences of oppression.