30 Days of Kink: Day 13 redux

Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Last time, I didn’t think power was really part of it. In retrospect, I think that was internalized kinkphobia speaking. I think liking power is a big part of it, probably the main reason I’m a Dom rather than a sub. But that doesn’t explain the content of my fantasies, just which role I prefer in them.

I do think the draw I described last time, feeling like I want to explore what makes them work, is a big part of it. We like to think of ourselves as having free will and some sort of incorruptible core identity. I like the idea of taking those aspects of someone and messing around with them. I like the idea of someone not having free will anymore, not being the same person because I or my proxy character chose to mess around with the core of their being.

Regarding the specific interests in incontinence, aphasia, apraxia, I think that’s a reaction to curebie ideology. I was a mind control fetishist from early childhood, and a devotee since puberty. But it wasn’t until after I’d gotten involved in the autistic rights movement that I got interested in those top three. Curebies have this boogeyman of low functioning autism that they try to scare people with – someone who can’t talk, wears diapers and is completely dependent in self-care – and talk like those three things make a person undeserving of human rights and a horrible blight on the lives of their caregivers. And they talk about regression as meaning personhood is getting stolen away.

I think many kinks are a way of playing with something that you find troubling in some way, to process it in a form that you can control. Rape fetishes, emetophilia, forced feminization, racial kinks – all of those can be reactions to something that scares or otherwise bothers the person who has those kinks. And I think my kinks are a way of processing some of the deep issues raised by the dehumanization of low functioning autistic people by curebies.

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